


Teapot

by dreamyloner



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Bad Puns, Fluff and Crack, KorHongIce, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-11 00:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7868665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamyloner/pseuds/dreamyloner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yong Soo messes up again. Leon is pissed. Emil doesn't know what to do. Having two boyfriends at the same time gives him a headache sometimes.</p><p>Human AU. A complete crack fic XD<br/>Pairing: Yong Soo/Leon/Emil (KorHongIce)<br/>Warning: polygamous relationship, cracks</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teapot

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to do a comedy for a change, which ends pretty badly, to be honest. The idea suddenly popped up while I was lazing around at home. This is a really crack fic with a kinda crack pairing but then again we can never get enough of silliness and jokes. So here goes nothing...

Emil stares glumly at his breakfast. On the plate are some steamed peach buns that have long turned cold. Emil picks one and munches it. It is so hard he doubts there's a rock inside. He turns to the toast instead. There are no eggs or bacon on it. The bread is clearly burnt. It looks like one of those poisonous scones Arthur would make. He glances around desperately and to his utter disappointment, nothing else is on the table. No tea. No juice. Not even coffee!

He fiddles with the rim of his plate and glimpses Leon. The boy keeps his head down, his eyes shadowed by his dark brown bangs. He scrolls down something on his phone silently, not even bothering with the meal. He looks like he has just returned from an extremely bad day, having a bucket of water poured on him or stepping onto a gum by accident. The day has hardly just begun though.

"Good morning, darlings!" greets a loud, obvious voice. Another boy scampers into the kitchen with bed hair. He is still wearing his ridiculous pyjamas that have Korean flags printed all over. He slumps down next to Leon and smiles obliviously. The aura around the other boy darkens. Emil widens his eyes.

"Aren't we gonna start eating da-ze?" Yong Soo beams and grabs the first thing in sight. Emil is about to stop him but he has already swallowed the rock-hard bun.

"Yucky! What's happened to the bun?" Yong Soo whines and pokes the other buns. He hits the table with a bun and it doesn't even soften! "They taste awful!"

Leon doesn't budge. Emil tries to give Yong Soo a signal to shut up. The Korean boy blinks and peeks at his boyfriend.

"Leon, you hear me?" he pokes Leon in the arm. "These toasts look like charcoal da-ze!"

"Yong Soo!" Emil hisses.

Still not responding, Leon shifts in his chair and scoots away from Yong Soo.

"Le-"

Emil gasps as Leon stands up abruptly and slams the table. He glares at Yong Soo and storms out of the kitchen.

The two boys gulp and stare at each other.

"Great." Emil rolls his eyes and folds his arms. "Did you fuck up again?"

"What?" Yong Soo tilts his head in confusion.

"You," Emil growls, "fucked up again, didn't you?"

He taps the table and points to the food. "Look what you've done."

The meal is disastrous. Normally, Leon is a brilliant cook. Otherwise, he wouldn't be in charge of the kitchen. On certain occasions though, the food will become a terrible health risk and that's mostly when he is in a horrendous mood. Whenever he is depressed, furious or stressed, they can't expect to have anything decent enter their stomachs.

Emil walks towards the fridge and gets out a carton of milk. He pours the milk into a bowl and fills it with some cereals.

"Why is he so pissed?" Yong Soo asks and scratches his head.

"I'm asking you the same question, dumbo!" Emil glares at his partner and plops down on the chair again.

"Oh, um…I have no idea..." Yong Soo shrugs and chuckles nervously. "Maybe it was you?"

"Bullshit." Emil snorts. "You know most of the time- no, a hundred percent of the time, you're the one who pisses him off."

"Am I?"

"I don't care," Emil snarls. "You've got to fix this or we're gonna live through hell tonight."

He can't imagine what Leon is going to put in their dinner. For all he knows, they might even have to order Chinese take-away at this rate.

The boy finishes his cereals quickly and stands up. He dumps the bowl into the sink.

"You're gonna wash the dishes," Emil says and scurries to the door.

"Wait!" Yong Soo grasps his wrist. "No morning kiss?"

Seriously, Emil wants to punch him right in the face.

"Pretty please?"

Leon is usually the one who gives him a morning kiss. That damn Korean claims that he won't have energy for the rest of the day if he isn't given one.

Emil growls and kisses him swiftly on the lips.

"You taste of tooth paste," he grumbles and treads out of the kitchen.

He has been living with these two boys for a while. They met in middle school. One was a delinquent. One was a playboy. One was an introvert. How they mingled with one another has always been a myth. But since then, they have been rather inseparable. They became best friends and then things sort of turned complicated at that point. Yong Soo has a huge thing for Leon and likes to harass Emil. Leon has his eyes dead set on Emil but doesn't really decline Yong Soo's advances. Emil has crushes on them both. They all agree that they carry mutual feelings towards one another, so eventually they settle on a perfect solution. They stay together.

Emil isn't sure if what they do counts as dating. They look like three pathetic idiots who just happen to rent the same house and hang out frequently. They don't do much besides fooling around and getting into trouble. They moved into this apartment a year ago. There are three small bedrooms, a small sitting room, a kitchen and a bathroom. Yea, they get along like typical housemates. They split the rent and the chores. Leon is usually responsible for the meals and groceries. Emil does the cleaning and laundry. Of course, they team up and leave the most strenuous works to Yong Soo, like cleaning the toilet, repairing broken stuff and keeping all the electrical appliances in order. They all have their respective part-time jobs and attend the same college.

Emil doesn't talk much. He usually responds with subtle gestures. The other two have gotten accustomed to it. They can tell what it means when he nods, blushes, waves, pouts and snorts. And if he starts getting affectionate, which doesn't happen a lot, he will make things for the other two, like sewing sweaters or scarves in winter, baking cakes in his leisure time or making crafts to decorate their rooms.

Leon talks a little more, but mostly what spill out of his mouth are either teases or sarcastic remarks. He has his own twisted way of displaying affection. He either insults the other two or plays pranks on them. He also buys stuff for them when he's in a pleasant mood. That usually happens when Emil stops being hard to catch and returns his kisses or when Yong Soo stops causing trouble for the day. Very often, Emil and Yong Soo will walk into the house and notice some extra furniture, new sets of video games or an extravagant dinner in the kitchen. Leon can spend so much that he's basically considered a shopaholic. Once he bought the two boys some exquisite suits and Emil is still trying to figure out when he can actually get a proper chance to wear it.

Yong Soo talks all the time. It would be a miracle if he can just shut up for one damn minute. The good thing about having separate rooms is that he doesn't have to impose his loud K-pop music, overt patriotism and messiness on the other two. Leon and Emil considered this when they first picked the apartment. The Korean boy, though, is pretty easy to take advantages of, since he is so dense his head can fit the entire meadow, much like Mathias. Emil still doesn't know what Lukas sees in him. But then again, what does he see in Leon and Yong Soo? The best part is when they both challenge Yong Soo to take the most difficult and gruelling chores. They can also boss him around because he is basically a cute, loyal puppy who is in charge of the entertainment, jokes and sex. That's his way of demonstrating his affection.

Conflicts come in various ways. They mostly revolve around some mundane things like fighting over the last piece of cake in the fridge, arguing which video game to buy next and who to bottom during the sex (if they ever have one). The boys usually make concessions and negotiate with one another. Sometimes, they quarrel. If only two of them are involved, the other one will try to be the mediator. That's the upside of polygamy.

Still, Emil can't help but feel left out sometimes. He knows that's not true because the other two never neglect him. Right now, however, Leon and Yong Soo are arguing inside the bedroom. It obviously doesn't concern him, but he still wonders if he should knock on the door and interrupt them. They aren't speaking too loudly so he can't exactly overhear what the argument is about. When Leon swings open the door, his face is beet red. He slings his bag over his shoulder indignantly and stomps out of the room, slamming the door so hard the bang startles Emil. The poor boy stands in the corridor with a blank face.

"Let's go," Leon says and grabs Emil's hand. "We're, like, gonna be late for class."

Emil quickly takes his bag and Leon drags him out of the apartment.

"What's wrong?" Emil asks. Leon is walking really fast. Emil looks back, surprised that Yong Soo hasn't chased after them. "What're you two up to?"

"He's being a dick," Leon growls, "as always."

"What? What did he do?"

Leon doesn't answer. Emil isn't one to press on, though this immense curiosity is killing him. He has every right to know! They are both his boyfriends so he ought to be informed what the hell is going wrong in their relationship.

It's not like Leon is in the mood of speaking though.

Did Yong Soo break his laptop when he borrowed it last weekend? Did he accidentally spill drinks all over his favourite shirt? Did he mess with his firecrackers again? Or…

_He isn't cheating, is he?_

Emil shakes his head and mentally slaps himself for being so melodramatic.

"That damn jerk is, like, gonna pay for this," Leon growls.

Emil blinks. Sometimes, Leon scares the shit out of him, especially when he's pissed. He's clutching his hand so hard Emil wonders if he should wiggle out of his grip or just caress that flushed cheek and give it a comforting kiss.

He decides to opt for the latter.

Leon seems to relax a little after the kiss. He smiles back at Emil.

"I swear, he's, like, not gonna have any diner tonight if he doesn't apologise properly."

Still, Emil has no idea what Yong Soo has done.

The two boys share a common lecture on finance and accounting. Yong Soo is in another floor taking global administrations. Emil peeks over Leon's shoulder. The Asian boy is texting nonstop. He keeps flooding the message box with angry and aggressive-looking emojis. Emil can't catch the words clearly but he knows Leon is having a text war with Yong Soo.

"Leon, what's going on?" he asks again.

"It's, like, really none of your concern, Emil," Leon mumbles. "You'd better stay out of this."

Emil snorts and glances back at his notebook. At times like this, he seriously wants to punch them both. He texts Yong Soo and asks him the same question. The Korean boy responds with a sad emoji.

_ what the hell is going on, kimchi? _

_ Help me, Emil  _ _ :( _

_ I can't fucking help you without knowing what's going on! _

_ I can't tell you T.T he'll beat me to a pulp da-ze! _

Emil rolls his eyes and gives up. Yea, it's better listening to the lecturer than concentrating on his boyfriends' fight.

Things start to improve by the end of the lecture. Leon finally puts down his phone and smirks. That smirk speaks something, indeed. A shiver runs up Emil's spine.

"Leon?" He frowns. His boyfriend looks up at him. His smirk remains. He pulls him close and smashes their lips together. Emil gasps and shoves Leon away. He blushes and mutters a curse. He doesn't like kissing in the public, especially not with a bunch of annoying fangirls who screech and whisper behind them.

"Lunch, babe?"

Emil grunts and packs his bag. He stands up. Ignoring the frantic female classmates around them, Leon takes Emil's hand and they scurry out of the hallway.

They arrive at the cafeteria and settle down around a table.

"Should we save a seat for Yong Soo?" Emil asks and gazes around.

"Yea, he's, like, coming."

Emil nods and dumps a bag on the seat next to him to occupy it. He's glad that Leon is more composed now when he talks about Yong Soo.

"What're you having?"

"Same as usual."

"What about Yong Soo?"

"Probably same as usual."

Emil sighs and grabs his wallet. He leaves the table and queues up at the counter. After buying himself some fish salad, Leon a bowl of pork noodles and Yong Soo a bowl of kimchi rice, he returns to their seats.

"What the…"

Emil nearly drops the tray and shrieks. Of course, he doesn't do it aloud.

There, standing near their table, is Yong Soo in a flamboyant black-and-white maid dress, black tights and high heel shoes. The dress reaches down to his knees and he also wears a matching laced hair band.

"Oh there you are, babe," Leon hails to Emil and waves. The boy has already taken out his smart phone, video-recording ready at hands.

Emil's face pales. His eyes widen as he stumbles towards his boyfriends with shaking hands. The soup in the bowl spills onto the tray. Leon tugs him down. He flops down on his chair and stiffens.

Everyone is staring at them. Emil wants to scream and run. Yong Soo has a dark blush on his face.

"I'm, like, waiting," Leon says.

The next moment will forever remain mentally-scarring to the Icelandic boy.

Yong Soo slides a chair and puts a foot on it. He raises his hands, makes some gestures and starts singing.

_I'm a little teapot._

_Short and stout._

_Here is my handle._

_Here is my spout._

_When I get all steamed up, I just shout-_

_Tip me over and pour me out!_

Emil drops his jaws.

The cafeteria breaks into a series of laughter and applauses. Yong Soo grunts and disappears from sight like bolts of lightning. Leon keeps snickering and glancing down at his phone.

As for Emil…

No words can properly describe his shock…

This manic occupying his mind at the moment.

He just stares at the spot where Yong Soo has done the silly dance and recited the nursery rhyme. He blinks several times and pinches himself.

It's not a dream.

And he knows that tonight there will be a whining Korean boy to tend to.

"What…the hell…is that?" he manages to ask at last.

Leon raises his eyebrows in amusement.

"A punishment."

"You…didn't tell me about this."

"I couldn't, like, let you know because you would try to step in and smooth things over. Then, it wouldn't be so much fun."

Emil's mouth gapes open.

"What…exactly did he do?"

"He beat me in Pokemon Go."

Emil is so glad he didn't download that game when the other two got so keen on it.

He grabs his fork with a trembling hand.

A couple of minutes later, Yong Soo sits down at their table, now in normal clothes and a hood over his head.

He grabs his bowl of rice and never stops blushing.

Leon tucks away his phone and smiles smugly.

Emil looks at the two boys and wonders why on earth he has agreed to go out with them in the first place.

**Author's Note:**

> If these three are together, I swear their dynamics will be super weird and crazy and fluffy at the same time XD


End file.
